This morning I looked out over our pond to watch the sun fully rise. It’s one of my favorite things to do. It really is beautiful and I am ever reminded just how much my Father in Heaven has blessed me.
This morning the suns rays glistened across a very large spider web. This is the season for giant spider webs (you have been warned) so I can’t say I was surprised. However, this morning, I had two immediate thoughts…. Oh my gosh that is massive and scary! and Oh my gosh that is beautiful!
I pondered it for some time. My irrational fear of spiders trying to whisper to me (ok, scream) that the giant spider web must mean an abnormally large spider, therefor I should get the shotgun (I told you it’s irrational) My logic brain reminded me that the spider that I know makes these ornate and large webs actually is not large. And I would totally miss it if I shot it with a shotgun! Logic in my irrational!
And then I did something crazy. Well, crazy for me. The me who melts down when confronted with a spider. Who just days ago had a freak, insane, would leave anyone with nightmares, encounter with a tarantula in my home. So yea, crazy.
I grabbed my camera and went outside (the windows need to be cleaned so I couldn’t take pics from inside, I tried). I was quite impressed with the web, unfortunately I couldn’t catch the way the sun glistened on the strands. I took a lot of pictures, for a time I was more impressed and taken with the beauty of it, the fear, for now, pushed totally aside. I stood outside, in my flip flops, and took pictures of something created by that which I fear the most. And it was beautiful.As I turned to walk away I thought to myself….
I wish I could have the beautiful web without the terrifying spider.
And then the Holy Spirit whispered to me, “Isn’t that the way you are in life? You want all the beauty but none of the things that get you there.”
Um, ok. There I was patting myself on the back for stepping out, in my flip flops, choosing to be brave in the face of my fear and then…
Just when I think I am catching on and learning the lesson, the Lord reveals deep truth to my heart. I do, want all the beauty, all the fun, peace, happiness and joy, but often (most of the time) I balk at the way the Lord brings those things to my life. I don’t want to do the tough, hard, sad, scary, trying, things, just give me the good stuff,You keep the scary.
I wonder…would all of the “good” things be good if they were all I know. Would I look at the spider web glistening in the sun the same way, if I wasn’t seeing through eyes that have seen through fear. Would I have even noticed ?
So, now I am left with two new thoughts….If I would have kept my eyes on my fear I would have missed the beauty and today, and maybe just for today, I will trust the journey, it will deliver me to beauty.