I wrote this post back in September in my private journal. (I LOVE Penzu ) Unfortunately, I kept forcing my pieces, until I was in pieces. Letting the Lord put me back together now…
So I bought this windmill for my eclectic, charming, quaint, whimsical prayer garden. Loved the images on the blades of the fan. Thought it would look perfect in my prayer garden.
Then I tried to put it together. What a nightmare! I sat on the floor, gathered the tools and the instructions and with great anticipation, went to work on my fabulous windmill. Hours later I threw down the instructions, stomped my foot and declared that this windmill was junk and needed to be thrown away!
This is not my normal behavior, I am the one who puts things together in our household. I have the patience and the ability to decipher those really weird and nondescript instructional photos. I have the ability to build things, to take almost no direction and build things. From just pieces to something, something useful, something pretty, something of value.
Not this time.
So I walked away. For a couple of days I pondered what I could make of the pieces. Instead of a windmill, I could have something,well ,something different, not what I wanted, but something. I couldn’t come up with anything. It seems the pieces of the windmill are meant to be a windmill.
Then I pushed it to the side of the room. Still visible, still mocking me, but in an area that I could ignore it. And I did…for weeks. My boy came home from college one weekend. And he looked at the pieces and then at me, he laughed just a little and said, “Mom, that is exactly where that was when I was here last”. I declared that I was “done” with it and as far as I was concerned it could be thrown away.
Just a little later David went over to the pieces and picked up the instructions. I told him, that I was fairly sure I had done something wrong, but no matter how many times I looked at the instructions and at what I had manged to force together, I could not figure out where I had gone wrong. I could not figure out why I could not build, why I could not make something from the pieces.
After just a few minutes David told me where I had gone wrong. Truthfully, when he said it, I thought for sure he was wrong. No way I could have made such a simple mistake. But then he took apart the pieces I had forced together and began again. This time making the change in the very first step, correcting my mistake, the one I had made in the very. first. step, the one that made the pieces not fit together, the one mistake that kept me from having a windmill and instead left me with a bunch of useless pieces.
Then he was done. And there was the beautiful windmill I had wanted. And instead of the junk I had claimed it to be, it turned out to be a windmill, strong and sturdy and beautiful.
Isn’t it often that way? So many lessons in this windmill. If I want something strong and sturdy and beautiful I need to make sure the pieces are being put together correctly, from the start, by the ONE who knows how they all fit together. NO matter how many times we declare something is useless junk that needs to be thrown away, there is ONE who says the opposite and simply asks us to trust HIM with the pieces. Then HE will make it useful and beautiful and full of purpose and value. That it is often the very act of giving up that is required for the pieces to be put together. And sometimes we get so focused on doing it our own way that we lose sight of the fact that HIS way is the way to something beautiful. Often I am so sure of my own gifts and abilities that I lay in pieces, trying to force something beautiful, when really I just have useless pieces, and instead of just letting HIM put them together, I am sure, if I just keep forcing it, I can make something out of my pieces. When I can’t force it, I declare it junk, worthless and of no value, moving on to something else. But the pieces don’t go away, they lay there, wishing to be something useful, begging to be beautiful. To put together in such a way to be strong and sturdy. And one day, when I am the least aware of the pieces, they will be brought to light again, and in that moment, I can choose, to let the wrong be brought to light and corrected, to let HIM undo the forced together pieces, and put together something beautiful, or I can choose my pride and keep my useless pieces…………………
I want something beautiful. Strong. Sturdy. Full of purpose and value. Something beautiful…..