I haven’t slept more than a couple of hours each night for weeks. Yesterday my doctor lectured me on the need for sleep…”everyone needs sleep, but when your body already works against you, it is very important for you to get sleep”. I explained that I would love to sleep but felt like there are a lot of factors working against me and sleep. 🙂 So, he gave me a new medication. I took it last night and slept…I slept a lot. All night long. Deep sleep. I woke up this morning feeling like finally, I wasn’t carrying all the days before with me into the new day. I also realized I had a mediation hangover. So now I am late and going to be later while I try to clear my mind. I do not have time for this. I get a little irritated (which is nothing compared to how I have been without sleep 😉 ) I determine that I am going to just push through this. I texted Shirley to let her know I am going to be late, her reply was that I needed to make sure and take care of myself. Between that and a foggy head, I decided pretty much all I needed to do is chug coffee and spend a few minutes in my prayer garden.
I’ve had this night blooming tropical lily that has been blooming but the blooms haven’t ever fully opened. I’ve babied this lily. Gotten up in the middle of the night to see if it was blooming. Nope. The blooms are there but they don’t fully open. It is a broken lily. I made a mental note to google what I could do to fix it and if not maybe it will bloom correctly next year.
I was quite surprised when I saw it this morning…there it was, fully bloomed and beautiful! A ray of sun splashed across the bloom and it was stunning.
I had to laugh at myself and how God works. I had given up on my tropical lily. There was something wrong with it and it just wasn’t going to bloom properly. I still enjoyed the half opened blooms but I really wanted to see it as it was created to be….a bloom fully opened. I wonder how many other things I have given up on a day too soon? How many other things have I determined I needed to find a way to fix myself and if that doesn’t work then just give up on it? How many times have I decided I have done enough, given enough, waited enough, and not gotten what I wanted and so I gave up on it. Completely justified because obviously I KNOW and I’ve done all that I’m supposed to do.
And then God. God shows up and reminds me that He alone is God and He alone knows the plans and He alone knows when the time is right and He alone can take what appears to be broken and make it fully alive and He alone knows the exact moment to give me exactly what I need. He is God and I am not.
I had assumed there was something I needed to do to fix the lily and if that didn’t work then obviously it was hopeless…for now anyway. I wonder if God was waiting for that moment? That moment when I realize that there isn’t anything for me to do? So that, in that moment, He can use a lily to remind me that He is the Creator of All things and sometimes I just need to be willing to wait to see what He is going to do?
It also didn’t escape me that I almost completely missed seeing the lily fully bloomed… because I felt like I had too much to do today. There is so much that needs me to do something, to fix it somehow. No time to sit in my prayer garden spending time with the Lord… I have things to get done.
Nicole and I often joke around about my “Pond Theology” the Lord teaches me so much through this prayer garden. This morning He used a full night’s sleep, a medication hangover, running late and a fully bloomed lily to remind me…
He alone is God. My job is to continually seek Him. Be with Him. To trust and rely on Him and His timing. He has the power to take what appears to be broken and make it fully alive…but I will miss it if I determine that I alone have the power to fix it, I give up to soon or I determine I’m too busy fixing things to be with Him.