Logan opened the shop for me this morning, so I could go to Barre Class. This morning I decided I really just needed a little time with the Lord at my pond, in my prayer garden.
There was just enough light to see, I wanted to watch the sun rise. I sat and watched my fish for a few minutes and thought I saw one that had died. Then I saw it moving, it was in fact dead but in the mouth of a water moccasin. I watched it as it tried to get somewhere to eat,the fish about three times the size of its head. I decided this would be the best time to get it out and kill it. After failing to get my resolve up enough to do it myself, I woke Anthony. By the time we got back to the pond it had released the fish and was no where to be seen. We watched and waited, caught a few brief glimpses of it, but eventually decided it would be better to get when the sun was up more.
Several times I felt dismay trying to settle over me. My first morning to decide I was going to be intentional about reclaiming my sanctuary and instead of time with the Lord, I got a snake eating my fish, disturbing my peace. I wanted to slip into that place of giving up, because, well what else would I expect, but for something to go wrong or be wrong, why would I think today would be any different than any day this last couple of years?
Then the Holy Spirit gently reminded me that I can choose. I can choose, this day, what will it look like for me? I can choose for my day to be ruined or I can choose for this to be just another part of my day. I can choose to add this to the pile of stones I’ve been trying to let go of or I can just let it be just what it is, a disruption to my plans. Most days it doesn’t feel like I get to choose. Things keep happening, hard things, so much sadness, loss and so out of my control, so it very seldom feels like I get to choose.
I do though, I choose, will I be a victim or will I be a follower of Christ who knows the enemy has been defeated? Will I choose to remember that in his defeat he will desperately do anything he can to distract me, disrupt me, to get me to choose to be a victim, and then choose, dismay, being overwhelmed, despair, hopelessness, if he can throw those at me enough, they begin to be all I see and I forget that I get to choose.
I choose to be a daughter of the Most High God, redeemed, forgiven, made new, beloved, I choose to know that my weakness is made perfect in Him. I choose to remember the enemy has been defeated and my God, the Alpha and Omega has promised to fight for me, I just need to be still. I choose. Even, maybe especially, when I can’t see anything other than what is happening. I choose. It doesn’t make anything any different, it doesn’t change or undo, remove the pain, sadness, or brokenness. I don’t get to go back in time, to a place before all the things went wrong. The snake doesn’t just suddenly stop being in my pond. But it keeps me from being stuck, from operating in fear, it removes despair and hopelessness,it sets my feet on solid ground. I can choose to be miserable, dragging all the stones around with me, continually building a wall around myself. Or I can choose, to not be a victim, to remember the promises of my Savior, that in this world, I WILL, have trouble, but He has overcome, He is life, abundant life, in the face of, in the midst of, an enemy who kills, steals and destroys. I choose. I will be filled with something. Do I choose what the enemy offers or do I choose what the One who has defeated him offers? Life, love, hope, peace, forgiveness, healing, restoration, redemption, strength, power, sanctuary… I choose. Today, this morning, this very minute and every minute after… I choose.
For those of you who need to know 😁😁… I did choose to spend the rest of my time with the Lord, inside.